Friendship Over The Years

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As far back as I can remember I was a social butterfly since I was in preschool. Fast forward to now, not so much actually quite the opposite.

When you are younger everyone is your best friend. You just grab one person & they are your BFF-4-Life, which we all know now not to be true. I take that back, some women are still best friends with their childhood friends. For me, that’s not the case.

I’m an Air Force Brat, my Father proudly served 27 years with the Air Force. We traveled the world. Which also meant we moved every 2 years. I never had those long-lasting bonds with other girls because of this. My Dad decided he wanted to retire in Florida (which seems to be where everyone comes to retire) when I was 10 we settled our roots down in the Sunshine State.

We moved here in the middle of a school year which was like picking up a pig and placing it into a pen with ducks. It just doesn’t fit. Up until that point I had always gone to school either on an Air Force base or off base with mostly military kids. Civilian kids were the complete opposite of what I was used to, so I immediately didn’t really fit in. I had friends but they came and went. From elementary, middle and high school, that is just how it was for me. I never really hung on to friends.

After I became a Mother of course friendships change because you no longer have freedom & no one wants to be held back. Again I dealt with friends coming and going. Except this time I really didn’t give a flip because I was the Mommy to a beautiful baby girl and she was my main concern, friends could wait.

I went to college to become a medical assistant and during those years I formed close friendships with at least 10 of the girls in the program. Are we friends now? Nope.  After we graduated everyone went their own ways. I did end up working with two or three of those girls but I ended up leaving that job due to complications in my second pregnancy.

In my early 20’s I was constantly searching for THE best friend. I always craved what I saw other women have with their BFFs and wanted that too. While now at this time I was married with two kids, it proved to be more difficult than before. I became friends with some of the other firefighters wives and like my friendships before they never lasted long. I just told myself it was me and that’s just the way it was.

In my late 20’s I had a fabulous lesson in friendship. I was friends with 4 other girls, we had our own little group. That lasted for about 5 months. It ended like a scene from Mean Girls. Full on cattiness and revenge. None of these girls were married nor had kids. I was actually called selfish by one of them because I said I couldn’t go out one night to the club. That same girl got pissed off at me because I had to leave a bar early one night to get home to my kids and I couldn’t give her a ride home. When someone does not have a child they do not understand why you do what you do as a Mother. Which is no fault of their own, they just have never experienced being a Mother.

When I turned 30, something clicked. I no longer cared if I had friends. If they came into my life great, but I was not going to post on Craigslist “30-year-old seeking BFF”. It no longer mattered to me like it did before in the previous decade of my life. At this time I became a SAHM so everything shifted from when I was 28. I went from working full-time to taking care of three little humans day in and day out. At the end of those days the last thing on my mind was going out with friends, it was sleep! I lied, sleep and a glass of wine.

On my first attempt at blogging in early 2012 I met several amazing gluten-free friends. Some I drifted from, a handful I talk to on a regular basis, and two that I consider my family after the past 4 years. These are two women I’ve actually met in person. I love the ever living gluten-free crap (no poop pun intended) out of all of them! They helped me accept Celiac Disease.

I have one friend that I met at my first job as a medical assistant, she and I have been friends for 11 years. We don’t hang out much because she lives in another state, but we both make the effort to hang out when she does come back to Florida. I also recently reconnected with one of my former BFFs from middle school & cheerleading thanks to Instagram & Facebook (which I no longer have). I adore her just as much as I did when we were inseparable as teens & driving our Moms nuts!

I was friends with another Mom last year. That lasted 10 months. Friendship is supposed to be 50/50. Not 95/5 . I have no patience to deal with someone who expects a ‘friend’ to always be at their beck & call, always go to their house for play dates or to hang out with them. In those 10 months she never stepped foot into my house after I invited her over multiple times. I was either ignored via phone or text when I invited her over or given a bullshit excuse. At my age I refuse to deal with that kind of nonsense. It’s not worth my time or energy.

Do I miss going out at night? Not one bit. If I want to hang out with a friend now it’s during the day while my kids are in school, before 2pm, after 2pm my time is my kids time. I usually visit my girlfriend whom I recently reconnected with and we do a walk & talk. She just had a baby so we walk to get exercise and talk (vent) to get some kind of adult interaction in our day and to assure each other that we aren’t nuts and feel the same way about certain things being a Wife and Mommy. It’s nice to have that connection with someone else, someone who doesn’t call you selfish for being a Mother. As you ladies know, being a Mother is quite the opposite.

My nightly dates now are usually reserved for my Husband. After all he is my best friend. I know it sounds cheesy, I’ll lay off the dairy-free cheese. If he has been at work for days at the fire department or was on mandatory overtime, I am usually dying for adult time and we make it a point to go on a date no matter how tired both of us are.

At the end of the day, I love and adore my handful of friends. I cherish them & our friendship. But as Drake once said “No new friends….” I think I’m pretty blessed with the ones I have already 😉

 

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