Not So Smooth Move

If you don’t like to hear about women talking about their bowel movements, please click away now. I won’t judge you if you live in denial thinking women don’t take a shit like men, but we do. 

Not So Smooth Move

Prior to my gastroparesis diagnosis my bowel movements have never been an issue. The only time I have ever dealt with constipation was during each of my pregnancies. Celiac & IBS had taken care of any constipation issues I had, until now…

I have good days , bad days , and horrible days with gastroparesis in regards to how many calories I can consume and fiber is an issue obviously since I do have to avoid certain foods that my stomach just doesn’t want to break down. Fruit = fiber. Fruit doesn’t go over with my body so much anymore. Along with a whole slew of foods my body refuses to tolerate. What a jerk face.

More and more now I deal with constipation. I try to drink at least 90 oz of water a day, trying is the key word here. If my stomach doesn’t allow it, I am not pushing it. You are probably thinking to yourself why in the hell would water be an issue for her? just is. I find it odd myself too.  I do drink Lakewood Organics cold-pressed juices because they have fruits, veggies, spices, and a tad bit of fiber. Just not enough fiber apparently.

After dropping all 3 kids off at school yesterday my stomach started to bloat and I realized it had been a couple of days since I dropped a deuce. I made my way to CVS to just pick up some Colace as that had worked for me before after having the kids, surely it will do just fine now. Until I see the entire section of laxatives and the like, it made me question my Colace decision. Then I saw the Smooth Move tea and thought well alright, this will be great. I love tea, it’s not a pill, and my body doesn’t have to break anything down. SOLD!

I drank my cup of Smooth Move tea at about 12/1pm and went about my day. It says on the box that it provides gentle overnight relief. I assumed I would wake up the next morning and everything would be smooth sailing.

At about 8pm I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. I spent one entire hour in the bathroom with no success. My Husband even texted me to see if I was still alive and asked if a search party was needed. I assured him I was ok and came out of the bathroom and went to lay down.

We of course got to talking about both of our days and he was talking about work, when suddenly the most horrific cramps of all time hit me. I grabbed my phone off of the charger and ran like the wind yelling ‘stomach’ as I slammed the bathroom door. Over the years if I run, it has become a habit of mine to just say stomach so no one questions why I am running away. Now if you have been glutened, you know what happens afterwards. Your ass literally explodes. There is no classy way of putting it. I thought with Smooth Move, it would be a gentle transition. WRONG! False advertising. Between the cramping , the horrific nature of what was coming out of me,  on top of the waves of nausea, I was having a Smooth Move jolly good time. Snark..

I spent the rest of my night in the bathroom. Either running to it or walking back from it. I mean I am certainly  cleaned out for the next century after that experience. Because let me tell you, it works. This morning I still feel bloated and just an overall sense of blah. Possibly from having ass-plosions. (Yeah that’s totally not a word, but just go with it) But hey, at least I’m not constipated! Hooray!

Will I ever use Smooth Move again? Never.  What will I use next time? Colace. It will always be Colace from here on out. Ok, and I need to pick up some Align while I am at it.

Now excuse me while I go hydrate my poor body with water & coconut water after my not so Smooth Move experience.


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