To : It Wasn’t Me

To : It Wasn’t Me

From : One peeved Mama

I hear your name at least 50 times a week. 100 on a bad week.

I ask my children who didn’t flush the toilet…it wasn’t me.

I ask my children who spilled the cereal in the pantry & let the dog get ahold of it…it wasn’t me.

I ask my children who didn’t clean up the mess from using the Xbox…it wasn’t me.

I ask my children who left a cup of milk in their room for weeks…it wasn’t me.

I ask my children who spilled an entire water bottle in my van on the carpet & it smells like something has died..it wasn’t me. 

The funny thing is I always hear about you. But I never see you. My Husband doesn’t see you either. Only the kids clearly know who you are.

I’ve heard your name mentioned once in a song by Shaggy called “It Wasn’t Me”. Was that not you he was referring to?

I kindly request that you leave our home. Day after day you cause so much chaos , disorder, panic, and let my kids blame you for everything.

There are three of them and one of you. I am still trying to figure this puzzle out myself. Because technically you are out numbered, but it’s still always you.

Ironically you are also responsible for my 13 year-olds horrible grades in school. Are you just not helping her or did you just so happen to rip up her papers in all 7 classes each and every single day?

Oh do you also remember that one time when you cut my son’s hair with scissors. In two spots. Which ended up leaving him looking like a dalmatian with blonde hair. Does that ring a bell?

You also seem to be hitting & kicking my two youngest kids day after day. That would be considered abuse. Since I don’t have eyes in all rooms of the house, I ask who started it, and wouldn’t you know their response is it wasn’t me. One word : lawsuit.

Lastly you may recall an incident involving black lipstick and our chiweenie. Sound familiar? No? Our dog was left looking like she was out partying all night long and didn’t own a mirror to see that her entire face was covered in black lipstick. That just so happened to be left on the floor in the teenagers room.

If it wasn’t you, please accept my deepest apologizes for blaming you on my children’s mistakes. If it was you, step up and admit your mistakes. Honesty is the best policy after all. Because if not, you have three children that will blame every single thing on you day in and day out.

Chrissy

 

 

 

 

 

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